49 : Living Rightly

49/365
1/29/2010

Characters:
Woman
Couple (Man & Lady)
Waiter

Setting:
Sidewalk Patio

- – - – -

A Woman sits at a patio table in front of a glass of water and half eaten salad.  The Woman turns and breaks fourth wall.

Woman: You don’t want to die, right?  You just want to live rightly; right?  Here, a few tips to make sure you live completely right; alright?  Step one!  Water is important!  I only drink Fiji water, poured through a Brita filter, then boiled and vapor distilled for the right water.  And food!?  The right food is important!  Step two!  I only eat purely organic, purely vegetarian, no refined sugar foods, alright!?  Step three!  I always get at least a half-hour to an hour of right activity a day.  It’s important!  Step four!  Rest!  The right rest!  I always sleep at least 8 hours a day even if only in 20-30 minute increments!  So important!  And step five!?  Step five is most important!  I always stay positive!  Nothing should get you down!  It’s only right; right?

Couple walks in, Lady on the Man’s arm, and they walk on by the Woman.

Woman:  And now you know how to live rightly, sooo… (to couple) how would you like to donate a few dollars to the Cause for Rightful Living!?

Couple shakes them off.

Woman: Maybe some spare change on the way out for the Cause?

Couple leaves the scene.

Woman: Have a great day!  (fourth wall)  The more you give, the more you get! So, if you want to live yourself rightly, just …

Waiter: Excuse me?  Excuse me?

Waiter walks over to the Woman.

Woman: Just one second, I’m wrapping up my close!

Waiter: It’s alright.  It’s just, we’re starting to get some complaints and I’m going to have to ask you to leave.

Woman: Whoa.  That’s fine.  I’m going.  It’s fine.  Let me just ask you this, first.  What’s it feel like halting the progress of living rightly.

Waiter: I don’t know about that.  My customers will probably be pretty happy after you leave.

Woman appalled; packs up her stuff.

Woman: Well I think you should know… you’re going to burn in hell very, very slowly.  Have a wonderful day!

Waiter: You too.

Woman, about to leave the scene, turns around.

Woman: Some help for bus fare?

Waiter shakes head ‘no’ and wipes the table down.

Woman: I hope you die soon.  Goodbye.

Woman walks away in pride and trips and falls.

The Waiter walks away.